Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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