I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
