i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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