Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
