I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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