i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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