I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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