so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
