MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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