If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
