We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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