We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
