hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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