just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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