you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
