is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
