Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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