never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
