My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
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He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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