**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
