I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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