drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
