I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
