at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
