She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
