Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I believe in your delicious
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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