good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
