The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
