ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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