I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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