Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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