a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
