you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
