So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
