Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
