So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
