I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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