So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
