Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
