Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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