I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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