I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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