God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
