She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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