I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
