were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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