Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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