You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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