if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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