what day is it and did you see me today?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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