i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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