Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
