Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
