I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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