There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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