you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This baby is an asshole
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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