I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
