note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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