I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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