I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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