so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
