Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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