I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
