So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Holy sore nipples Batman
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
