Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They have beer where we have blood.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
