burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
