she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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