do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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