i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
