becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
