I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
