Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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