So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
